Scrapbook #2

Here's another batch of writings! Some randomness, and some cohesive narratives, all written in five minutes or less. At some point along here, I decided to challenge myself to try and make as many of these stories set within my game world as I could, so many of them are just that. A few aren't, though, and one or two recurring characters make a return.

Anyway, enjoy!

“Challenging a rival to a duel”

I smack my now-empty glass on the table. “I’ve had enough of your trash-talking! Every day, it’s ‘You suck at everything’ and ‘You have no idea what you’re doing.’ Well, I’m sick of it! I know what I’m doing! I’ve been doing this longer than you!”

He sets his glass down as well, the ice clinking. “Bull. You’re an idiot at this. It’s time I taught you a lesson on how to properly fight.”

My eyes narrow. “Fine. Hit me with your best shot.”

His eyes narrow. We both stand. A tense moment of silence.

“2000 points, Purge the Xenos mission, Dawn of War deployment. Do your worst, Space Marines.”

“Agreed. I’m gonna wipe the floor with you, you damn dirty Tau.”



“Tell a story devoid of one of the senses”

“How much further?” Alex asked as he stumbled along. His customary headband had been pulled down over his eyes, leaving him blind, and Conrad slowly escorted him across Montblanc to wherever their destination was. They had been walking for several minutes from Conrad’s house, so Alex wasn’t sure where they were going. Perhaps his house, or Le Chat Noir, the town’s tavern. The going was slow, though, as Conrad was spending more time teasing Alex and getting him to walk into things than actually help him.

Around them, he heard the sounds of nature, birds chirping in nearby trees and the murmur of conversation from people nearby. They hadn’t passed through the noisy marketplace, so the tavern seemed unlikely. The air smelled as it always did in mid-spring, fresh and flowery, though it somehow seemed more vivid without his eyes.

For the umpteenth time, just as he started feeling confident in his direction of travel, buoyed by Conrad’s encouragement, he began to walk more steadily and promptly smacked into something. This time it felt like a wall; rough, unsanded wood, like most of the houses in Montblanc.

Conrad snorted with laughter and placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder, guiding him back in the direction he hopefully was supposed to be walking.

“Seriously, knock that off,” Alex said, idly rubbing his throbbing forehead.

“We’re just about there,” Conrad replied. Alex heard a door opening, and he was ushered inside a building. Through the cracks of his blindfold, it was dark inside. It smelled familiar, like a house, like his house, but there were new scents from earlier. Something delicious had recently been cooked, some kind of cake. His mother must have made a cake for him.

“Can I take it off now?” Alex asked. Conrad didn’t answer, though Alex heard him take a few steps into the house. Alex took a few tentative steps forward, his hands held out before him. He began to feel disoriented from not touching anything. Suddenly, his hands brushed against something, and he latched on with vigorous relief, both hands squeezing something soft. Then, everything happened at once.

His nose filled with a new scent, a perfume of roses, lilac, and cinnamon. He recognized it instantly. It was Mileena’s perfume, he knew; no one else in Montblanc used it. Her family was wealthy enough for her to acquire the stuff from traveling merchants whenever they brought some to town. His heart began to race at the thought of her, and a growing horror filled his mind.

At the same time, he heard her voice give a wordless exclamation of surprise, directly in front of him. With a clatter of curtains, light flooded the room.

“Happy…” the group cry quickly died away nearly as soon as it began, and Alex, panic rising in his chest, withdrew one hand from whatever it was latched onto to pull his headband up. His stomach clenched as he blinked and looked down to find his other hand firmly groping one of Mileena’s boobs, a look of surprise on her face. He glanced around, to find his family, Conrad’s family, and Mileena’s family all standing around them in his family’s house. It took him a moment for the full situation to sink in. He realized his hand was still on Mileena’s chest, and with an embarrassed gasp, he withdrew it. Heat swarmed his face as he blushed heavily and cleared his throat awkwardly.



“Loneliest at the top”

He floated, as he was wont to do, letting the currents carry him. They were weak this far up in the atmosphere, but the edges pulled him along in a lazy orbit. He had no fear of suffocation, of irradiation, or any of the hundred other ways an unprotected person might die up here. For all intents and purposes, he was invincible.

It was strangely serene. Probably due to the silence. He looked down at the world below, and his hearing attuned itself. The silence vanished beneath a cacophony of noise. With superhuman focus, he picked out individual noises, coming from a thousand different places across the globe. People crying out for help, people dying, people in despair. The serenity faded as realization dawned on him that even he could not help all of them.



“two-sentence horror story”

“Hey, what’s the wifi password for this cabin?”
“There is no wifi.”

He opened the box to find a dusty book within. Flipping to a random page, he read aloud "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."

Finally, he thought to himself, the woman of my dreams is all mine for the night, alone in the woods after months of pursuit. Suddenly, he realized the condoms were missing.

The morning after their wedding, they awoke with tender cuddling.
“Let’s watch my favorite movie,” she said, “Star Wars: Episode One!”



“Two sentence paranormal romance”

“Well, hello there teenage girl a tenth my age, let me just stare at you a bunch with my vampire eyes and be a jerk to you.”
“Have my babies!”

It seemed to be love at first sight, even if she was confused about the world around her. It wasn’t until the wedding that he realized she was the ghost of his grandmother.



“two sentence sci-fi or action”

They locked and loaded, and fired full-blast at the oncoming horde of screaming aliens. As their lines were still overrun a few minutes later, his last thought was despair at the planet being lost.

Misbehaving Alex: supposed to be patrolling the town for trouble. Spends the time reading his crush’s diary and looking for flowers to pick.



“two sentence dark comedy”

“He’s dead, Jim.”
“So are you, Deforest.”

“The funeral is at 7 AM, can you make it?”
“I dunno, that’s pretty early, and I’m not a mourning person.”



“two sentence historical fiction”

“Roosevelt, let’s get out of here!”
“Nonsense, my boy, I’ve always wanted to mount a dragon skull on my wall!”



“Two friends discuss a hobby they both love. Every other sentence must rhyme.”

“Did you hear about the new codex for the Imperial Knights?”
“Yeah, half the people love it, half the people say it bites.”
“I dunno, I think it’s pretty sweet.”
“I know, you said that with your last tweet.”
“Of course, lots of people are saying it’s totally OP.”
“I think they’re just afraid of a unit that’s totally OG.”
“It’s not impossible to kill, and it’s much better in assault.”
“People don’t like to think and have their mindless dice rolling brought to a halt.”
“Dude, are you rhyming everything I say?”
“What were you expecting, Michael Bay?”